I didn’t know what to expect as we drove toward the site that had been chosen to represent where Tony died. What I did know was that his APC hit a land mine off QL 19, on the small road to Plei Bon.  The mine had been placed while his convoy was in the village on a med-cap mission. He died at the site, while others were seriously wounded, and med-evaced out.  There was no battle raging, no fire or smoke. It was a peaceful mission, nothing bad was supposed to happen.

     Dick and Viet located a pine grove off the road that seemed peaceful. As soon as the van stopped, the local folk started to gather, as they had the day before at Karen’s dedication. Under their watchful eyes, we climbed up off the road onto the forest floor of dry fragrant red pine needles. I chose a spot against a small tree stump and placed the flowers, an apple, a speckled rock from Manhattan Beach, and a photograph of Toni, his daughter and Anthony, his grandson. I wanted to represent the Gold Star Wives, so I put on my white service cap for a few photos. I scooped up some soil, pine needles, and a few pine cones to give to Toni. She would be proud to be here, to see where the man she never knew, the father who died before she was born, ended his days on the earth.

     Later at night I dreamed that he came to me, pressing on my heart, validating the feelings of young love. He didn’t speak, didn’t have to; I knew that he meant to tell me that all love is valuable and important, and essential. I started to soften towards this man again, a warmth started to soften my edges.  The dream was over but the warmth remained.